Stones that Scar Our Feet

Smear

2012-02-28T14:22:00.002-08:00

Today
in the rain
I smear
into a watercolor abstraction
bleeding and messy
ill defined
isn't this
a truer image

November 25, 2000

Don't you need some bug eyes?

2012-01-16T07:27:00.000-08:00

I've been wanting to make compound eyes for a while, and I finally got around to doing it. Introducing Khepri:

Instead of making them in sizes, I organized them into color sets, so each set has 5 shades of that color type. Like all my eyes for ages and ages, they have matching prim versions, and new with this release I've included a funky little think called "Luminous Eye Effects" - they're eyeball attachments that will add some different levels of glow at 2 different sizes.

Each set is L$150, and of course there's a free wearable demo for L$0 called "FreeLove". It's the single rainbow eye. There's a fatpack too (50% off of the set prices), if you just can't decide which color to get! They are currently out at my main location, and also at my newest satellite on the lovely Mon Cheri sim!

And, of course, let's not forget it is Moody Monday! I've put together a special, gorgeous set of Khepri eyes just for today at the very low price of L$55, so hurry and pick them up at the main shop before tomorrow when they disappear! Check out all the other cool offerings today also at the Moody Monday blog!

I hope the new year is treating you all well, my dears!

<3 Rue

Stop Censorship

2011-12-13T07:13:00.000-08:00

If you haven't seen this yet, watch it -

And if this appalls you too, call or write your representative ASAP.

I'm on a roll this week!

2011-12-09T18:39:00.001-08:00

I've been wanting to make horns for ages, but have always been a bit daunted by the task. Because I'm kind of a perfectionist about some things, and antlers that don't look like real antlers bother me. Anyway, I finally sat myself down and made some! And I'm so pleased with how they turned out! Introducing Banneret ....

Available in all my standard colors at the mainshop, the Seraph pack at the Home sim, and keep an eye out this weekend for the Moody Monday pack!

Also, I know a lot of you probably already know this, but I do have a flickr group just for pics featuring my work - I LOVE seeing what people do with the things I make! So please do feel free to add your images, it would be great to see some new faces among the many talented veterans in the group. I'm thinking of planning some special flickr group thing too, maybe a contest or something. Anyway, I just wanted to get that on your radar :)

<3 Rue

Guess what?

2011-12-06T05:12:00.000-08:00

AND

Yep. That is what you think it is. 60 colors of skins for girls AND boys! They are only available in one "face" (Bare) right now, but I expect I'll be adding to the collection. They're 600L per color, 10,000L for a fatpack of Bare in all the colors! Oh yeah, and here's the rest of the info:

Find them at the mainstore at the back of the boat :D

I love it when the things I create make me excited!

2011-11-22T21:31:00.001-08:00

I made a new thing! And I'm super excited about it! Check it out:

Aren't they pretty? I referenced a picture of a real life silkmoth and then just ran with it, and I'm so very pleased with how they turned out. And they're available NOW at both locations! There's 12 different colors at 60L each, and each color comes with 2 styles - a bold one and a softer semi-transparent one. There's a fatpack AND a free wearable demo! I even have a special color as a gift in my group "Purlieu of .{Rue}." (there's a 100L join fee, just a heads up).

In other news ...

I'm retiring the "Nymph" colorpack from public consumption. Since it was made for the Everwilde sim, which .{Rue}. is no longer on, it just bothers me to have them out, and anyway they take up precious prim counts lol. SO! I've put them all on sale for 75L (that's a 100L off) at my Ctrl Shift H location (they're impossible to miss - I've piled them in the middle of the floor). They'll be there until sometime after Monday (the 28th) and then they'll be gone! So if you wanted that color in any of the horn styles, go pick em up!

OH yeah, one last thing - I also noticed that I forgot to blog my new horns that I put out recently (a week ago? 2 weeks ago? >_>) so here's a quick look:

These are all available at the Mainshop in the standard colors and at the Ctrl Shift H shop in the exclusive "Seraph" colorpack.

I'm working on updating my Marketplace listings, so things are a bit spotty at the moment, but I'll let you all know when it's done and available ;)

Happy Halloween, my pretties!

2011-10-18T00:11:00.000-07:00

I love Halloween, but rarely give myself a chance to celebrate it, which is a shame, since it's only once a year! So, this year, I thought I'd make something special, just for the holiday, and was inspired by a request from a friend ....

I give you, the Horn'd Imp colorpack:

Those of you that have been following my work for a while - remember how there were striped horns under the House of Ruin brand? Well, they're back, new and improved, remade with the new horn textures (and extra pretty if I do say so myself).This particular pack will ONLY be available until the end of October. Come November, they'll be packed away until next year! And since there's only a few more weeks left of the month, I've priced them at 50% off - 10 gorgeous stripey colors for only 75L per Horn'd style! You'll find them at my main shop!

Oh! And! There's an extra halloweeny color I've reserved for a special little hunt - the Home sim, .{Rue}.'s first home, is having a Halloween hunt starting on the 21st!

So mark your calendars and head on over to Ctrl Shift H on October 21st to hunt for all kinds of goodies!

New store, party, eyes, and groupies!

2011-09-14T23:03:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure why I save everything up for monster posts, but here we go! LOL

So, first things first - .{Rue}. has finally grown into a new mainstore! I am very excited to announce that I am joining the illustrious MiaSnow on her lovely Twomoons Island! Appropriately for the island environment, the store is actually on a boat :) It's the first store build I've been really happy with, and it's got such great atmosphere.

I've also invested in a new vendor system that allows for redelivery and customer rewards, which is exciting! As part of the process of changing over, I decided to get rid of all the notecards and LMs cluttering up the vendors and stick them all in one place. Now, the first time you arrive at the store, you'll be given a notecard with everything you need to know in it. After that you won't be offered it again until it changes (... or 7000 unique avatars come through that door, but somehow I don't think that's going to happen lol). Please DO accept and at least skim it - it has my shop policy and other useful notes in it :)

Visit the new mainstore here

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

In celebration of the newer, bigger shop, I'm also throwing a party on Friday!

Be sure to jot it down on your calendars! There may even be a gift there >_>

(This link'll plant you right in the middle of the dance roof :P)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I thought as part of opening the new shop I'd actually finally release these eyes that I've been working on for ages and ages and finally finished! Introducing Nereid, mermaid inspired pearl-like eyes...

I'm really excited about these - they come in many many colors, and each color comes in 5 sizes! The difference in the sizes is pretty big, too, so in essence you really get 5 difference looks with each eye. And, of course, prim versions of all of them. Each color pack (5 system eyes and 5 pairs of prim eyes) is 150L. When you go to the shop, FreeLove, the free wearable demo, is the rainbow-y one ;)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And last, but not least, I have also finally created an inworld group for you likeminded folks to have a place to chat, ask questions, and enjoy free gifts from me! The group is called "Purlieu of .{Rue}.". There is a small 100L fee to keep out the riffraff, but I think it'll be worth it. In fact, there's even a group gift sitting in there just waiting for you to grab it:

All five sizes are included!

Ok, I think that's enough for now, don't you? ;)

<3 Ruina "Sunshine Tentacles" Kessel

NEW STUFF!

2011-08-21T04:46:00.000-07:00

I HAVE MORE HORNS! AND A COOL EVENT! AND MORE COLORS! AND and and ... did I mention horns? Ok ok ok, let's start from the top - Ready?

Numero Uno: Five New Hornsets!

This time around, all 5 are "new" (though you may have seen sneak peeks of them a over the months): Diver, PearlDiver, Pyromancer, Priestess, and Occultist...

You can find them all at my Ctrl Shift H shop, all set up and ready to go. I don't have them up on the Marketplace yet, but I will do my best to get that done this week. As a side note, you can click through any of the pictures above to see them larger ;)

Numero Dos: Goth Pride Event!

Club Nexropolis and The Eldergoth Macabre put together a sweet event called "Goth Pride", and it's in support of the LGBT, Goth, and Industrial communities of SL. There's lots of great designers, clubs, groups, DJs, Hosts, and music to be had! Of course I am proud to join them! I have 4 of the 5 new releases there (in Wraith, Demon, and Faerie :D), as well as an *exclusive gift* of those horns in a color I call "SummerStorm". The event lasts until the end of Sunday, so hurry by to pick up the gift! Because once it's over, the gift will be gone!

Click here for GOTH PRIDE

Numero Tres: New exclusive colorpacks

I've always thought it sort of silly in SL to have multiple satellite shops all carrying the same things, since distance is a non-issue in this virtual world. As a creator it's definitely easier to just put whatever in a shop, but as a shopper I never have a reason to go to said satellites - I'll just head to the main spot where everything is! Which is unfortunate, because many sims go to extra lengths to be a pleasurable experience just to hangout in. Well, I'd rather add to that effort, instead of just take advantage of it.

With that in mind, I've been working on some ways to make my satellite shops unique, and yet still representative of my work. My first real foray into this is unique colorpacks for my horns! Let me introduce you to them - Seraph & Nymph:

Seraph is exclusive to my Ctrl Shift H location, and is inspired by birds. Nymph is exclusive to my Everwilde location, and is inspired by native Texas flowers. These packs are a little bit more expensive than my standard ones (175L instead of 150L) because they've actually got more colors in them - 14 horns in all for each, versus the usual 10. I've added color testers for both to my "Innocent" pack, so you can try them out before committing to them.

And because there are always prim limits ... On Everwilde, I *only* have the Nymph pack out right now, while on Ctrl Shift H, only the new releases are up in their standard colors. All previous horns are up in the Seraph pack.

Numero Quattro: MOODY MONDAY.

And last but never ever least, there is a Moody Monday to go with all this newness! By now I hope you know where to find it, but in case you don't (or are new! HI!) It's at my Ctrl Shift H location - just look for the pyramid stack of boxes with an Owl on top ;) And remember, those horns in that colorpack (Hobgoblin) are only available until Monday is over!

New Release & Moody Monday once again :)

2011-07-24T09:59:00.000-07:00

It's about that time for some new stuff :)

I have 4 new hornsets and 1 re-release. Age before beauty, eh? :P

The re-release is Dauphin:

And the Four new horns are: Hooligan, Prophet, Ironsmith, and the enormous Queen!

And, as always, there are the special "Hobgoblin" packs of each of the new horns for Moody Monday! Remember, this pack is exclusive to Moody Mondays, which means after Monday, you will not be able to get these horns in these colors again!

Find everything at the Ctrl Shift H location! Eventually it'll all be up on the Marketplace too.

Oooo another quick note! I have a new little satellite shop at EverWilde! I put some some stuff there that's not at Ctrl Shift H for now (like the DreamWarrior face paints), but I'll have some special EverWilde releases soon enough. I also have my 7Seas custom fishing prizes down at the EverWilde fishing pond, so check it out!

<3 Rue

Marinated Salmon Tacos!

2011-07-19T19:53:00.000-07:00

OMG I made dinner! AGAIN!

Apparently I am on a cooking kick! I don't know why it's suddenly so fun (I used to dread cooking), but HEY I'm gonna enjoy it while it lasts. And, since I'm SO excited about how tonight's dinner turned out, I thought I'd share the recipe with the rest of the world. :D

The marinated salmon:

1 14.75 oz can Alaskan salmon
Juice of 1 lemon, freshly squeezed.
Juice of 1 lime, freshly squeezed.

De-bone, de-skin (as best you can), and rinse the salmon. Press out excess liquid and crumble into chunks in a bowl. Add the juice of one lemon and one lime and mix until salmon is fully coated. Cover the bowl and put in the fridge to marinate until served. Optionally, you can drain the liquid if you want it to be less drippy in the tacos.

The fresh salsa:

1/2 cup frozen corn
2-4 roma tomatoes, chopped small
1 medium jalapeno, seeded and chopped fine
1/2 orange or red bell pepper, seeded and chopped small
1 medium avocado, skinned, pitted, and chopped small
3 green onions, chopped fine (use the whole onion, white to green)
1 heaping tbsp fresh parsley, minced
1 heaping tbsp fresh cilantro, minced
1 heaping tsp fresh oregano, minced
Juice of 1 lime freshly squeezed.

Put corn in a sauce pan with 1/2 cup water and heat long enough so that it's heated through. Drain and chill.

Combine tomatoes, jalapeno, bell pepper, avocado, green onion, corn, parsley, cilantro, and oregano in a large bowl and mix gently (I find it easiest to just mix with my bare hands. Remember to wash your hands first!). Add in the juice of one lime and mix again until thoroughly coated.

The 'Mexican cream':
1/2 cup light sour cream
1/2 cup coconut milk
1 tsp concentrated lime juice

Stir sour cream, coconut milk, and concentrated lime juice in a bowl until thoroughly mixed

Put it all together:

Serve each in separate bowls to allow for individual layering on the tortillas to taste. Heat or steam tortillas as desired.

I like putting the salsa on the bottom, the fish next, and then topping it all with a large dollop of the cream. Alternately you can mix the fish and the salsa together. Tastes just as good that way! And to add some class, serve up some coconut juice in wine glasses to compliment the meal ^_^

Let me know if you give this recipe a spin, and especially if you come up with some tasty improvs!

<3

Being Lost

2011-07-19T01:56:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about the phrase "Not all who wander are lost." It's a good sentiment, one that I've liked for a long while. I am, at heart, a wanderer of body and soul, so it naturally appeals to me.

But, it does seem to me that there is a subtle implication in that phrase that being "lost" is undesirable, or, at least, less preferable than "not lost". A lot of my recent work on my psyche involves turning things on their heads to examine their real truth, their real worth in my life. And you know what I've found? Being lost isn't such a bad thing.

There can even be a kind of power in being lost. Or rather, being *intentionally* lost, happily lost, comfortably lost. That power is in the idea that all that you need is within you, so it doesn't matter where you are, physically or mentally. "Wherever you go, there you are." Being lost can be an adventure, as much as wandering without being lost can be. And when you can let go of the idea that you need to *know* everything about everything as well as the idea that you must control all things that enter your life, you can sometimes find that you are better able to do, and better able to *be*.

Today I made a half improvised dinner, very loosely pulling ideas from two recipes, my own ideas of what I wanted to eat, and ... just, sort of, doing. Now, first of all, the fact that I was cooking at all was an extraordinary event, but even more than that - I relinquished control of the situation. I decided to follow a half baked idea and see where it took me, trust my own instincts and inspirations, as well as accept the idea that it might turn out horribly bad. I decided to let myself get lost in this thing that I barely know anything about (cooking) and just see where it went. It felt good to be lost like that. It was an adventure.

And you know what? It WAS damn good. :D

So, not all who wander are lost ...
... and not all who are lost care to be found.

<3

A collection of essays that everyone should read. More than once.

2011-07-09T09:37:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been finding some amazing things written down that have been inspiring and revitalizing and thought provoking. They are things that I want to come back to, time and time again, until I have every word memorized. They are pretty universal, too, so I'm going to share them with you, here.

Regrets of the Dying (I don't remember who I got it from, but thank you just the same <3)

Your Mileage May Vary (thank you Jalestra <3)

Real Women (thank you Winter <3)

Enjoy!

<3 Rue

Auto Bio Graphic #1: Starting Somewhere

2011-07-06T10:07:00.000-07:00

These are things I know about myself, now:

I have ADD (semi unofficial)
I am prone to deep depression.
I am codependent
I have an extremely low and quixotic supply of self esteem
The above qualities = everything is going to be harder for me than it should be.

The path to realizing these things was long and difficult and painful. Sort of life's M.O. My childhood was dreamy and floaty for a while, but as reality and people solidified around me, it became confused and frustrating. Things that I couldn't help about myself led to labels that, while not exactly nasty, were not remotely positive. "Space Cadet" is cute, but being called one on a weekly or sometimes daily basis led to a belief that I had nothing valuable to offer the world. "Earth to Alexandra", said in the tone of voice that implied impatience and exasperation, was a constant reminder that I am not smart and not useful.

This is part of how ADD leads to depression.

Codependency is one of those family legacies that is deep and subtle and hard to uproot when it is, in fact, the way you were taught to exist in the world. It is an entire paradigm. And throwing out an old paradigm in exchange for a new one requires many many steps ... which leads back to ADD. You see, part of having ADD is experiencing each step of a process as a whole process itself. Which means attempting to be a normally productive person is exhausting. Actually altering a mental paradigm took decades.

Courtesy of the codependency, I have danced my life around the idea of my passion in life, the 'what I should be doing' category. I know that there are many people out there that do not find their passions by the magic age of 18, and that the length of their search may have nothing to do with any of my issues. That's ok. I'm just talking about me here. Anyway, I am, actually, very well equipped to be an artist (minus a few useful traits, like motivation). In fact, everyone in my life has told me that I should be an artist of one sort or another. But my family always valued things that tend to end in -ology. You know, biology, anthropology, sociology, psychology, epidemiology ... perhaps you get the idea? These are all intellectual pursuits, and while you could make an argument that art is intellectual, generally that is not the attitude most people have about it.

So, while I'm good at art, it seemed clear to me that being an artist was nothing to be proud of, nothing to *aspire* to. Even though, way deep down buried under all the bullshit, the truth is that 'artist' defines my very being. Even now, when I know this, I struggle with it. I struggle trying to give it value, to make it worthwhile, a meaningful pursuit. Nevermind that I'm not doing anything else useful at the moment.

Well, that is not entirely true.

I woke up early this morning and realized that I'm just sick of being heavy. I want to be light. I want to go into my old age NOT carrying the baggage that my roundabout path through life had left me with. See, all that stuff up there has led to life that has absolutely no structure at all. I have no habits, only vices. I'm vastly overweight, and have uncontrolled addictions to things like sugar, caffeine, fat, carbs, escapism, and laziness. (all of those things are neither good or bad. it's what you do with them that's good or bad. And despite what some famous quote might tell you, moderation is actually a very good thing. If you can find it.)

So. I am climbing back on the "wagon". I have renewed my settings on Spark People. I am going to lose 115 pounds by this time next year. I am going to be able to swim again. I am going to learn to cook, and I'm going to get in the HABIT of cooking. And cleaning. And exercising. And feeling good.

My therapist helped me a lot with that last one. Now I have to take up the slack.

The 2nd Wave

2011-06-18T23:07:00.000-07:00

Hello my darlings! I have released 5 more hornsets at my little shop on the Ctrl Shift H sim! Check em out:

Re-released House of Ruin style "Chirurgeon":

Brand new styles "Bully", "Hunter", "Vestal", and "Chieftain":

I haven't quite gotten around to setting these horns up on the Marketplace, but I will get that when I can. For now, head to my main shop to pick up the demos and try them out! :)

Oh! And! since another Moody Monday is coming up - I have the Hobgoblin pack of each of the new styles out for 55L each. Remember, this pack is exclusive to Moody Mondays, which means after Monday, you will not be able to get these horns in these colors again!

Enjoy!
<3 Rue

Finally, something new and ... horny. ahem.

2011-05-29T05:11:00.000-07:00

This is kind of a huge update, so bear with me! :)

So, after reviewing my old House of Ruin horn textures, I decided they were unsatisfactory and set out to make better ones. It's taken me a while and a few failures, but AT LAST I have created a set of textures that I find lovely and satisfies my inner critic!

Here are the standard color packs that every horn style will come in (click through on the pic to see them huge, up close and personal). Each has 10 different textures, and will be L$150 each, with the fatpack of 5 for L$375:

In addition, I have 2 extra special packs ..
1.) One, especially for 7 Seas custom catches -

2.) and one especially for Moody Mondays (with an extra color :D) -

Ok, so, new textures, so what? Right? Well, of course I wouldn't let you in on the new textures if I didn't actually have something to put them ON. I've released 6 horn styles: a couple oldies, a could newies, one reworkedish, and one for FREE:

Re-released House of Ruin styles "Archivist" and "Sentinel":

Re-worked style "FoolDeux":

New Styles "Confessor" and "Scholar":

And lastly, but not least, and FREE! I made "Innocent" as a gift so you can test the new textures ^_^

You can get all the new horn styles at both my inworld location, and my MarketPlace shop!

Which brings me to the last order of business: Moody Monday!

I'm participating this week, and you'll be able to find the "Hobgoblin" pack of each of the 6 new styles available for the shockingly low price of L$55 per pack (except for Innocent, which is of course free). Where? Why only at .{Rue}. of course! But get them before the end of Monday, because once they're gone, they're GONE.

<3 Rue

Please Boycott Urban Outfitters.

2011-05-28T02:46:00.000-07:00

This is just an awareness bump. I know my corner of the internet is small, but this is the very least I can do.

Read this blog post.

There is a long history of corporations stealing from the little guy, the independent artists and inventors. It really needs to stop, especially when they have enough money to their names to simply purchase/license the rights to the work that they otherwise steal. You'd think they'd figure out that it might even win some customer loyalty if they stopped being so evil.

Seriously, Urban Outfitters. This is *beyond* "not cool". This just makes you an asshole.

Some more OLDIES re-released!

2011-05-16T01:17:00.000-07:00

These have been requested a couple of times, so here you go!

Click here to find Tonic eyes on the Marketplace

Click here to find Tonic XXX eyes on the Marketplace

Enjoy darlings :)

<3 Rue

Moody Monday + New Release!

2011-04-23T06:42:00.000-07:00

So, first things first - .{Rue}. has joined up with the brand new Moody Monday sale hop and this week is my first offering! Because it's Easter weekend and I'm gonna go spend time with my family, I'm putting my item out super early. When I get back from my trip I'll send out the list of other participating designers as soon as I possibly can. :)

This Moody Monday coincides with my newest release! But wait, what's this new thing I speak of? The public release of my DreamWarrior tattoo facepaint! There are 39 publicly available colors at 40L each, 15 of which I hand-picked to be available in-world at my shop. I've also made a fatpack for a ridiculous discount: all 39 for 390L! (You can also find all of my currently available items in my marketplace store). See an example below...

One of the many colors available ...

Ok, so, what exactly is it that I'm offering for Moody Monday? .... *Separate* from the regular colors of DreamWarrior, I've made a Moody Monday pack of 6 moody colors that are *exclusive* to the Moody Monday sale hop. This means you'll only be able to pick them up until the end of Monday SLT. And they're the cheapest of all: 6 colors for 55L! Check em out below ...

55L! Only available until the end of Monday SLT...

Ok, that's it for me for now. Happy Easter weekend!

<3 Rue

I heart M.O.C.K

2011-04-10T00:08:00.000-07:00

It was recently brought to my attention that some folks really do want to read details and opinions about SL items on blogs. So, I thought I'd try a different layout system for this kind of post. Onward!

Central Focus - Makeup: M.O.C.K Cosmetics
Ever since the SL viewer 2 tattoo layers were live, I have been secretly obsessed with makeup. I have bought SO MUCH it's ridiculous. When I discovered the place called Kozmetica I thought I must have died - it was heaven! A one stop shop to discover all kinds of designers that make tattoo layer makeups. Pure bliss.

In my slow careful investigation of all that Kozmetica holds, I discovered M.O.C.K. I admit, at first it didn't completely capture my attention, because I tend to seek out the weird, exotic, alien and fantastical in my SL experience, and M.O.C.K's makeup is deceptively human and realistic. But even though I'd walked by, something about the intense colors and lovely blends stuck in my mind, and I went back to really look at it. What I discovered was exquisitely lovely. From that moment I was hooked.

One of the things I'm learning from immersing myself in all that M.O.C.K Cosmetics has to offer, is the value of subtlety. I still love the bright, vibrant, rich, and intense colors. But there is something magical in the subtle glimmer of color on the lip, and a gentle sparkle around the eyes. Here I am wearing "Champagne Foiled Eyeshadow" - you'll find this awesome freebie ONLY at M.O.C.K's brand new corner of Mynerva Skins. On my lips I have one of the newest releases "Luxe Lip Color" in Lotus (veronique style) - the softest blush of rose that complimented the overall look very nicely.

Skin: Atomic
I picked up this lovely Audri skin ('bubble' makeup / porcelain tone, to be specific) at Atomic's current 50% off skin retirement sale. These skins will go away when the sale is over, so be sure to swing by before they're gone!

Hair: Analog Dog
I've been really craving long hair in SL recently (it seems I tend to want the hair I don't actually have in real life lol) and I decided to retry Analog Dog. On the recommendation of the mistress of M.O.C.K herself, Mocksoup Graves, actually. I found "Dive" (shown in onyx), this lovely, long, wavy style. It has a chest attachment too (which I am not wearing in this pic) so that you can have your hair cascade down the front of you too. The hairs with chest attachments are one of my favorite things!

A note of caution - The style *is* heavy on the 2d flexi prims with alpha textures, so I recommend keeping it on it's full bright setting, and taking your pics with the lights up. If you must stand near a background, be sure it doesn't have transparency, as this hair (like any that have alpha textures) will show the age old SL alpha glitch.

Horns: Illusions
Illusions is always first class in quality and design, and these horns are no exception. I'm wearing "Canadensis". I love the heavy chunky feel, especially on a female avatar. Like all her items it is mod, and can be bought in either copy or trans versions, as you need.

Eyes: House of Ruin / .{Rue}.
Just an old House of Ruin eye - Tonic XXX in "pheasant". I will be releasing these in a fatpack for all the folks that missed them the first time, so keep a look out if you want, or have been wanting them.

Pose: ?
The pose is either by Olive Juice or Water Sapphire, I'm sorry I don't remember which! :( They are both awesome pose designers, though, so I recommend checking them out!

Windlight & Environment
The windlight setting I used to take the original screenshot was AnaLu's studio 7. The screenshot was taken against a white backdrop and background was created in Photoshop.

Full Disclosure
I did edit the actual avatar image slightly in Photoshop to remove the sharp angles that are ever-present in the SL avatar frame, as well as take care of some obvious prim collisions.

<3 Rue

Fantasy Faire!

2011-04-02T03:09:00.000-07:00

I didn't get a booth at the faire because I do not have enough new stuff to warrant one, BUT! I did make an item for the Fantasy Faire RFL auction!

Introducing "Dream Warrior", a lovely facepaint design (on the viewer 2 tattoo layer), colored in vibrant colors (that match the Cabal skins)! The item for the auction includes not only facepaints, but also a small collection of eyes from a new line that I'm doing, called "Dreamer". The colors in the ad above are *exclusive* to the auction. That means only 2 people in SL will have them - me, and whoever wins the auction! Once Fantasy Faire is open, I will release the rest of the colors of Dream Warrior and Dreamer :)

Want to bid? Find the auction here!

<3 Rue

30 Days of Music: Three, Three songs ah ah ah ah

2011-03-27T01:40:00.000-07:00

I realize saving up the songs is cheating, but I kinda enjoy posting more than one at a time. So nyah. ;)

Alright, what day were we on? Oh yes, day 6: a song that reminds me of somewhere ...

"Somewhere Over The Rainbow" by Israel "Iz" Kamakawiwo'Ole

It's cliched, I know, but this song reminds me of Hawai'i. I fell in love with Hawai'i while i was there, and discovered that, while I normally can't stand Hawai'ian music, it fit perfectly IN Hawai'i. I actually listened to a ton of Iz while I was there. It's such a beautiful place.

Day 7: a song that reminds me of a certain event ...

"Under the Bridge" by Red Hot Chili Peppers

This was really the theme song for my and my first true love. We both loved the song very much, and it seemed fate when it came on the radio as we sat by the lake during the summer between 8th an 9th grade, and we agreed that, while we were desperately attracted to each other, we wanted a friendship first, and made a pact to be best friends first. I'm still friends with him, and I still love him deeply.

Day 8: a song that you know all the words to ...

"Undertow" by Suzanne Vega

There are a lot of songs that I know all the words too. But the ones that are *ingrained*, that are embedded permanently in my psyche, are the ones that I started listening to when I was very young. Laurie Anderson and Suzanne Vega are to two main ones. And this was the first one that sprang to my lips as soon as I started singing while sitting here. For me, this song has always represented myself - I always put it on the first mixed tape I gave people, the mixed tape that tried to say "Listen, this is who I am".

<3 X/R

30 Days of Music: Two for One

2011-03-24T21:10:00.000-07:00

I missed yesterday, so I'm gonna post 2 videos this time around.

Day 4: A Song That Makes Me Sad
This song, while sad, doesn't strike me as particularly tear-jerker-ish. But, for me, it's intrinsically tied to my history. I remember listening to it in highschool and bursting into tears because it spoke to me about the first person I'd ever fallen in love with, and about our relationship.

"Apart" by The Cure

Funnily, I'm actually good friends with him these days, so many years later.

Day 5: A Song That Reminds Me of Someone
This band will always remind me of my mother, because she had a tape of them that she kept in the car and we'd listen to it whenever we were in the car together. This song is one I remember in particular..

"Do It Again" by Steely Dan

... and, for the record, it's good memory :)

Gratitude no.1

2011-03-23T17:57:00.000-07:00

My therapist, a handful of sessions ago, gave me an assignment - to think of 5 things I was thankful for everyday, and then think about them for 3 and half minutes. You see, it turns out that, while it only takes the human brain one second to record a negative emotion, it takes it 3.5 minutes to record a positive one! I haven't been vigilant about doing this every single day, but when I get kind of anxious or sad it helps to sit down and make myself remember the good things.

Anyway, I think I should start taking this assignment more seriously. I have this nagging thought that if I actually wrote down my gratitudes for all to see that it would make me a little more accountable to them. And, it would help me remember them, so the next time I start to think my life is shit, I have actual evidence to the contrary.

So, yeah. Here's today's list:

1. I'm grateful for my therapist.
Seriously. She's wonderful. She's funny and quirky and smart and sensitive while being no nonsense. My life has improved so much since I started talking with her, and I know she's a respectable part of that improvement.

2. I'm grateful for being an adult.
Every once in a while it occurs to me that I actually like the life I have now. And sometimes I have funny thoughts like "gee, part of the joy of being an adult is no bedtime, and no damn curfew". :P

3. I'm grateful for the presence of my Mister in my life.
I love the man I married to bits. He's wonderful, even when he doesn't think he is. Of course he's human, of course he's flawed, but I'm pretty damn sure that people of his caliber are far and few between.

4. I'm grateful I have the use of my body.
My health is not perfect - I am woefully out of shape, and probably experience a bit more pain than I would if I weighed less. But you know what? I can still get up, I can still go for long walks around my town and breathe the fresh air, and see the beautiful world around me. I can still get shit done.

5. I fucking love the internet.
How adults with ADD managed to function before it was invented, I will never begin to understand.

30 Days of Music: A Song that Makes Me Happy

2011-03-22T21:59:00.000-07:00

There is one band in particular that is my go-to music for cheering up, and it's The Cat Empire. And this song, "Sly", is a prime example of why. Happy, joyful, mischevious, lustful, celebratory, full of life. And TRUMPETS.

Also, the singer is fucking sexy. <3

30 Days of Music, Day 2

2011-03-21T15:18:00.000-07:00

Day 2 is: "your least favorite song" ...

Dear lord, I probably have as many "least favorites" as favorites! Ok, lessee here, what shall I pick ...

Oh, I know.

This is one of those songs that ... just ... punishes me with its inanity. It makes me want to stab things. I mean, come on. Do wah diddy dum diddy do? Really? Do I need to say more?

30 Days of Music

2011-03-20T11:08:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine brought to my attention this cool little meme: 30 days of music. So, I'm gonna do it, because I like memes and I LOVE music. Onward! ...

Day 1: Favorite song.

Well, I have a lot of favorite songs, and the most favorite changes often, even everyday. Still, I have a favorite of the moment, and it is this:

For those in the know, yes, I have been watching and playing a lot of Borderlands xD

For Japan, with love!

2011-03-17T22:18:00.000-07:00

The tragedy in the Pacific is heartbreaking. It's been a constant barrage in the news of just absolutely horrifying news. I was taking it all pretty well until I saw a video of a woman crouched at the edge of some wreckage just weeping her heart out. That was the moment I finally wept myself.

I don't have anything new to offer at the moment, but I thought I'd set some of my old items, and some Starfuker eyes, (all on xstreet) to donate 100% to the Pacific Crisis Fund for as long as donations are accepted. Pictures and links are below, and don't forget to visit the event in world!

Link to Foggy Suicide Xstreet Listing

Link to Blood Tick Xstreet Listing

Link to Nova Xstreet Listing

Link to Rose Eclipse Xstreet Listing

L$300 Link to Mochi Xstreet Listing

L$700 Link to Blood Xstreet Listing

$L700 Link to Silver Xstreet Listing

L$300 Link to Blush Xstreet Listing

L$300 Link to Xstreet Listing

L$300 Link to Blush Xstreet Listing

Android & Elemental Eyes reposted

2011-03-17T10:09:00.000-07:00

Just a quick blog to let you know that I've reposted the Android and Elemental eyes up on xstreet. Pics and links below ...

Android Eyes on Xstreet

Elemental Eyes on Xstreet

I also neglected to mention that I've reposted all of the cabal skins. They've been up for a while, but here's your official notice :P You can find them here.

Enjoy! <3 Rue

Chaos!

2011-03-12T01:40:00.000-08:00

I decided that I'm sick of having a million blogs for each topic I want to talk about. It's all part of me, one person - why not have it all on one blog? So here I is, in all my weirdo glory. Sometimes I'm painfully honest. Sometimes I'm irreverent. Sometimes I'm ridiculously silly. Take it or leave it, but I'm not gonna apologize for it.

In case it's not clear, the links along the top are my categories of topics. Click one and it'll show you the posts that go just with that topic. If you feel like seeing all the topics mixed together, just click on the title of the blog. Plus there's the tag cloud over there on the upper right, another amusing way to cruise through posts.

I'm bringing over old posts from old blogs that I want to keep, so you'll possibly see some stuff appear that is actually back-dated, too.

All the posts under "Second Life" and ".{Rue}." have to do with the virtual world created by Linden Labs called, well, Second Life. There's a whole inherent subculture there, so, if you aren't familiar with it and something is confusing, feel free to ask in the comments, and I'll do my best to explain. :)

Finding the Light Switch

2011-03-12T00:14:00.000-08:00

My husband told me about one of his favorite scientists, Sir Andrew John Wiles, a mathematician. He said that this mathematician was his favorite because he'd described mathematical discovery like this:

Perhaps I can best describe my experience of doing mathematics in terms of a journey through a dark unexplored mansion. You enter the first room of the mansion and it's completely dark. You stumble around bumping into the furniture, but gradually you learn where each piece of furniture is. Finally, after six months or so, you find the light switch, you turn it on, and suddenly it's all illuminated. You can see exactly where you were. Then you move into the next room and spend another six months in the dark. So each of these breakthroughs, while sometimes they're momentary, sometimes over a period of a day or two, they are the culmination of—and couldn't exist without—the many months of stumbling around in the dark that proceed them.

I've been finding this a useful way to look at a good many things, including my path towards understanding myself and cultivating happiness. Sometimes it takes the smallest thing to make something work, like moving your hand an inch to the left in the dark room and finding that switch.

"There is no such thing as the pursuit of happiness, but there is the discovery of joy”

Don't Follow Me Here Tonight

2011-02-25T02:25:00.000-08:00

"Outer Space" by Freezepop

Alone in the moonlight,
heading for nowhere
Gone is the solar glare
Don't follow me here tonight

Needing to find my place,
something just feels wrong
knowing I don't belong
escaping to outer space

Run away, far away
run away, fly away
run away, far away
run away...

Unafraid
every mile you fade
there are no delays
I won't look back
I won't look back
I won't look back
I won't look back...

Run away, far away
run away, fly away
run away, far away
run away, fly away
run away, far away
run away, fly away
run away, far away
run away...

Oh so quiet here
caught in the Milkyway
bound by the cosmic ray
i could just disappear

Time will slow
no more earth below
another day to go
I won't look back
I won't look back
I won't look back
I won't look back...

Run away, far away
run away, fly away
run away, far away
run away, fly away
run away, far away
run away, fly away
run away, far away
run away, fly away...
alone in the moonlight
heading for nowhere
gone is the solar glare

Don't follow me here tonight ...

Don't follow me here tonight ...

Don't follow me here tonight ...
~
www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMT1mDS5YE4

For the One Week Of Pictures project, topic: Favorite Songs

Gratitude

2011-01-11T01:53:00.000-08:00

Did you know that it takes one second for the brain to register a negative emotion, but it takes three and a half MINUTES to register a positive emotion? Did you ever wonder why it's so hard to remember the good times?

I have a hard time remembering the good stuff. So my therapist gave me some homework: everyday I need to write down 5 things I'm grateful for. And then I need to think about them for three and half minutes ;) - I figured an easy way to accomplish both is to write about them, so here we are.

I didn't do much today, just sat around on my couch with my husband, watched TV, and fiddled around on the computer. But that's no excuse to not have something to be grateful for, right? Ok, so here we go...

1. I am grateful my husband is recovered from being sick. He had some kind of bug this weekend, and while it wasn't anything too freaky (no hospital trips were required), it still sucks to watch someone suffer, especially someone you love. Today his mood was so much more cheery and it was clear he wasn't in discomfort and I was really glad that he wasn't suffering anymore.

2. I am grateful for Law & Order: SVU. This is what we watched

hmm, well ok, I guess I didn't get very far. Better luck next time, right?

Ruina quietly slips back in ...

2010-11-28T17:00:00.000-08:00

So, I've been planning on opening shop again, at least on the SL marketplace site. I've been trying to decide how to do it, and figured I'd wait at least until my nice computer (with all of my files *wail*) is fixed. BUT! Luna Jubilee issued an awesome and fun challenge that I'm enjoying so much that I figured it'd be a good excuse to bring out some oldies-but-goldies, dust em off, and offer them for any who would find them useful.

To that end - find the re-issued "House of Ruin" items that match this week's color challenge (week 4: plum) on my newly christened marketplace shop - .{Rue}.

I'll be posting next weeks as soon as I get them packed up :)

<3 Rue

Coming Out.

2010-10-11T15:33:00.000-07:00

I just learned from a friend of mine that today is National Coming Out Day, a day dedicated to supporting awareness, discussion, and acceptance of all different kinds of sexualities.

I’d been trying to decide what kind of post to christen this new blog of mine with, because truthfully I have a lot of weird and random ideas every day that could make for interesting pondering and writing. But this day happens to fall into a period of my life where I am actually dealing with weirdness relating to sexuality, so I feel a bit like it’s a synchronous discovery. Ok Fates, I’ll listen to you … this time.

So, in the honor of the day, in honor of this brand new blog, and in the honor of honesty – I am:

- Hyposexual

- Bisexually interested

- Polyamorous

- In an open marriage

That’s a pretty hefty burden to carry around in this world, especially having a personality (Myers Briggs INTP, if you're curious) that wants to make everything make sense and fit it all nicely into a cohesive whole in a world that seems to actively resist such efforts. Suffice to say that I frequently do not feel like I belong anywhere.

And I resist talking about it. I’ve grown up being afraid of conflict and hating feeling even more uncomfortable than I already do in social situations. So rather than start a conversation that may lead to me feeling like crap the rest of the day, I just keep my mouth shut. And the chorus in my head is singing “Why would anyone need to know anyway?”.

Well, do you need to know? Does someone coming out matter to any of you? How do you feel about the people around you that are different than you? Do you know of any examples where one person coming out helped another?

~ X

Menace: A Writing Assignment

2010-03-18T02:38:00.000-07:00

I asked a friend to give me a writing assignment and this is what he gave me: Write something with a sense of menace, a sense of innocence, and the color red. What follows is what I wrote in response. It's basically unedited, written in approximately 3 hours. I haven't yet decided if I fulfilled the assignment, but I find what I've written interesting nonetheless. Fair warning - it's a bit violent. Critique is welcome!

~~~~~

The Da'enali were considered beautiful by most of us humans. It was a strange beauty, to be sure, mesmerizing in the way the swaying of a cobra captured and kept attention. They inspired more xenophilia on the planet than any other alien race (and there have been quite a few). The Da'enali seemed to like the attention, and were smart enough to keep their mouths shut.

Oh, I don't mean that they would have said something unfortunate. No. Their mouths are terrifying. When their lips are closed their lips merely curl in a beguiling smile, all the better lure you with. But as one opens, those lovely faces split in two to reveal rows and rows of long, thin, needle-sharp teeth that shine like metal. Seriously, their mouths would give sharks nightmares.

But almost nobody knows this. The Da'enali never open their mouths to speak, instead using their highly advanced technology to “mindspeak”. Basically they've figured out how to translate speech directly out of their heads into electrical impulses that can be read by hardware that then speaks for them. And when they eat, it's only in the company of their own species. And this is probably why earth is still on amicable terms with them.

~~~~~

Waking was a painful affair. Awareness seeped in like morning light does on an atmosphered planet, first one prickle, then another, and then a sheering stab, and then a flood. My shoulders ached dreadfully from being wrenched at the wrong angles, my hands pricked spasmodically through their numbness – all circulation cut off by the ropes binding my wrists and fingers, my jaw hurt from being braced open by the gag in my mouth. My brain hadn't yet received any nerve messages from below the waist, so I resolved not to think about it at all until I had to. I was completely immobile, so there wasn't anything I could do about it anyway. I slowly peeled my eyes open by the sheer force of my eyelid muscles, fighting against the grime left from the trials of the night before. I'd tell you about them, but I'm trying to forget them.

A scuffle nearby startled me into full alertness and sent my eyeballs rolling to the very edges of my sight, searching for the source. I tried not to think, not to remember, but the flesh of the body never obeys as well as the mind, and all my skin and muscles started to quiver in apprehension and fear despite their utter exhaustion and damage. My mind felt strangely split in two – half was in full animal mode, fight or flight... while the other was almost serenely detached, merely observing because it recognized that that was the only choice I had at all.

The sound came again, followed by a different sound, one that part of me, the animal part, dreaded deeply … the soft hiss of Da'enali tail scales dragging on the floor. It's a strange sound, almost like the sound of rustled silk, but with a slight sharpness to it. Few were threatened by it, because few had any reason to be. But then, few had ever been in the position I was now.

I listened to the sound slide closer, and felt my body relax ever so slightly. This was not the sound of the tail belonging to the one I feared. It was lighter, higher pitched … it must belong to someone different, someone smaller. I refused to hope for anything actually beneficial, but for the moment I did not anticipate torment.

Into my field of vision came a small, improbable creature. About a meter tall, pale pink-green with a truly lovely dark green and black striping pattern down its back from nape to tail tip, it stood on two limbs, slightly chubby, and clutched a plaything reminiscent of itself to its chest with two more limbs. The third set hung casually at its sides. All of this was topped with a nearly sweet face, rather humanoid though strange … and a bright fire engine red wig, off kilter and slung low, covering it's eyes. If I hadn't been gagged I would have choked out a surprised laugh. As it was I exhaled hard through my nose and hummed deep in my throat. And then tried really hard not to think about why a Da'enali young would be anywhere near my torture chamber, let alone in it.

Da'enali young are never seen in public. As far as I know, no one has ever laid eyes on one before. It stood there, wavering slightly as young ones of all species do, seeming to peer at me, though I couldn't be sure with the wig in the way. I could see its throat move as it hiss-clicked to itself, a sound I knew to be an expression of curiousity. It raised a hand and shifted the wig, revealed four startling blue eyes that blinked at me, wide eyed. If I could have moved or spoken, I'd like to think I would have murmured something soothing or asked its name. But as it was I merely blinked back, and fixated mentally on its presence in order to forget the rest of my reality. After several moments it approached slowly and tentatively raised a hand, laying its fingers on my cheek and cocking it's head at me. Clearly I was as new to it as it was to me. It traced the line of my jaw and my nose, touched my eyebrow, and the lid of a closed eye. Then it noticed my ears, opened it's hideous mouth and chortled.

I cannot begin to explain how utterly terrifying that experience was. To see this creature, one absent of malice and full of curiousity, one that I could see would grow up to be beautiful and striking, have a mouth FULL of those horrible teeth … well, to tell you the truth, I gagged on my gag and squeezed my eyes shut. It so jarred my reality that I felt like I must be in a dream. A horrible horrible dream, but this could not possibly be reality, right? … If only that were true.

It was an appropriate segue into the next event, at any rate, for the hissing of my dreaded torturer's tail on the floor followed the child's laughter. I waited anxiously to wake up from this nightmare, thinking it should come any minute now, finding despair at the end of every minute when it didn't happen. The deep throated chuckle of the Da'enali adult interrupted this cycle of hope and gloom.

“I see you have met my son.”

The true voice of the Da'enali, the one that comes from their throats and not from their mindspeakers, is not one you want to hear anywhere but in a brightly lit, crowded public place, with a wall to your back. It's the kind of voice you would expect a nightmare to have – cool and silky like a finely honed blade, amused and heartless. She walked up to my side, outside my range of vision, and ran her fingers up along my spine, curling down around my neck and cupping my chin. Her fingers were long and thin, her nails sharp, but she touched me gently.

“I want you to take a good long look at my son. His name is Se'kanna. Do you know what that means?” She paused as if waiting for me to speak, though she knew I could not. Her fingers curled into the hair at the base of my skull. “It means 'beloved of Kanna'.” I choked and moaned. “Kanna was his father.” Her hand clenched into a fist in my hair, and she pulled back on it slowly, straining it farther than it should go. She peered down into my face, drawing back her lips and smiling cruelly at me, showing all her shiny teeth. “Kanna was my mate.” I closed my eyes and wept.

“Mama, what is that thing you are talking to? It looks funny.” The boy, red wig slowly slipping forward again, went to female's side and pawed lightly at her thigh with a free hand. It was odd to hear him speak human-tongue – I would have expected him to speak the Da'enali tongue. Still, his parents had been working with us for quite some time, perhaps they had raised him bilingually. She released my hair and knelt next to the boy and cupped his face in her hands, looking into his eyes sadly while brushing his nose ridge with her own.

“Sweet boy, that is the human woman that killed your father. She stole his life from us.” The boy frowned, troubled by this. He looked at me, and I like to think he tried to search for something murderous about me, and found none. The female went and got one of the peculiar Da'enali chairs and set it in front of the one I was awkwardly bound to, a couple of meters away. She looked at the boy and pointed to the chair significantly. “You must sit, and observe.” Apparently the boy was a well behaved one, for he did as she asked. And I could not keep away the feeling of revulsion that was starting to seep through my body, crawling along my scalp and up my gullet. This was all so very wrong.

The alien woman came to me then, unsheathing the knife she carried at her hip. It was not especially long, but it was curved, and sharp on both edges. “The Da'enali do not care where you come from. We do not care about your laws, if you have them.” The look on her face seemed to say that she did not believe that I, we, did. She knelt again, so that her eyes were level with mine. “We do not care how important you might think yourself to be. We only care that you pay for what you have taken.” She grasped my hair again, tightly and close to my scalp, and used the knife to shear away my hair, throwing it on the floor. The boy's eyes followed it, and he seemed to struggle to sit still, as if he really just wanted to go gather up the hank of long dirty blond hair.

Then she shaved my head with that blade, and not gently. I could feel the places she nicked seep a bit, but that wasn't the worst part. The worst was the sound of the blade against my scalp echoing in my skull. There is no comparable sound, but I couldn't help but think of scythes sweeping through wheat, implacable in their reaping. I shivered involuntarily. She laughed. “I suppose you're curious why I'm shaving your head.” She finished the job and paused to smile and click at me. I closed my eyes. I did not want to know. “It's what we do to prepare a sacrifice.” I had already suspected as much, but still the words brought a cry into my throat. I had long ago given up on protest, it was merely a mewl of anguish I uttered. The woman patted my barren head the way one might pat a dog. I would have seethed with anger if I'd had any emotional strength left.

She walked behind me and hummed in an odd voice and then said something in her native tongue. I felt the tip of the blade rest on my left shoulder blade and went rigid with fear. I had known my doom was coming, but the blossom of pain still caused body-wide shock in me and sent my mind racing – is this it? Is this the end? I could feel the point sinking into my flesh and my heart answered every milometer with accelerated speed. A line began to form, from the point where the blade started, down, as she cut slowly down the length of my back. The cut hurt, but as blood began to trickle along my flesh, that was when the true pain began, a slow burn, hotter and hotter until it seared.

“The first cut is for the child's loss. He will never know his father now, and for this you must suffer.” I stared hard into the boys alien face, teeth clenched against the pain of the cut. I did feel sorry. So very sorry. Not only for his loss of a father, but for his witness of this act of cruelty, however culturally sanctioned it might be. He looked both bored and troubled, his brows knit, fidgeting. I don't know if he could perceive my pain. I couldn't decide if I hoped he did, or if I hoped he didn't. In the next moment it didn't matter anyway, because the blade point was at my other shoulder blade now, sinking in again, carving my flesh again.

“The second cut is for the mate's loss. My love is gone and for this you must suffer.” Somehow the second cut hurt even worse, even though I knew it was coming, knew how it would feel. And I did feel sorry, sorry for the anguish of an adult losing one that is loved. I have lost many loved ones, I was not unfamiliar with what she might be feeling. But would I kill because of it? Even now, under the blade, I still thought I wouldn't. But it didn't matter, because I felt the blade tip sinking into the nape of my neck, and a chill raced down my body.

“The third cut is for the victim's loss. The length of his life cut short by your actions. And for this you must suffer.” I could hear the snarl in her voice on the last word and she pressed harder as she dragged the knife down my spine. It was excruciating and I screamed into my gag, my body feeling hollow, only a conduit for the pain, this final pain. I actually heard the cracking of my vertebrae as the knife cut into them, one by one, the sound so clear and sharp. The pain got more and more intense until it crescendo into an overwhelming wave.

And then she started to peel the skin off me. It was too much. There was nothing left for me to hang on to, so I let go. It's too bad, too. It feels like such a waste. Since I was not the one who killed him. But they'll never know that.

In the begging ...

2010-03-18T01:55:00.000-07:00

No, I didn't misspell beginning. It's an inside joke. See, my husband always misspells beginning as 'begging' and I always think it's funny ....

Anyway, I make stuff. Different kinds of stuff. Sometimes I like to talk about what I've made, too. So, I've decided to make a central place to put it all, so here it goes! Be welcome, feel free to ask questions or comment. Actually, please comment, even if it's only one word. Otherwise it's hard for me to know if anyone actually bothered to *read* or look at anything. So hey, if you have anything to say, even if it's "nice!" or "loser!" please do. I'm curious.

Favorite Quotes From SL, Collection no.1

2009-08-30T04:12:00.000-07:00

It's a common tradition in Second Life (SL) to record hilarity. So here you go, quotes from SL. Read and weep (with laughter).
~
Evangeline Schism: Alright. I should got poke RL.
Evangeline Schism: Stupid RL.
Evangeline Schism: It's just rezzing slowly for me today.
Ruina Kessel: Alright, go before someone does something lame and stupid :P
Evangeline Schism: Ugh. I don't want griefers in my coffee shop.
~
Ruina Kessel: But wouldn't it be cool if SL had it's own weather?
Isabel Pixie: i would love that
Robinson Mapholisto: yes
Isabel Pixie: hurricanes, earthquakes
Isabel Pixie: lightening shows
Ruina Kessel: totally
Ruina Kessel: blizzards
Robinson Mapholisto: toads
Ruina Kessel: fog
Ruina Kessel: TOADS
Isabel Pixie: pestulance
Isabel Pixie: plague
Ruina Kessel: famine
Robinson Mapholisto: beegees reunion
Isabel Pixie: EEK , cancel my membership
~
Winsome Minotaur: O.X
Ruina Kessel: someone cum in your eye again WInsome?
Winsome Minotaur: It were you! Squirter.
Ruina Kessel: D:
~
Winsome Minotaur: Dear Mr. Humples, we regret to inform you that your name is now a synonym for fucking. Have fun with that.
Dexter Bowenford: Oh, If only I could be so lucky.
Winsome Minotaur: Hencforth, I shall refer to all fornication as "Bowenfording"
Dexter Bowenford: is that like waterboarding?
Winsome Minotaur: "Hey baby, wanna do the bowenford?
Robinson Mapholisto: I wil call websters, they wil be thrilled
~
Winsome Minotaur: I'm trying to be dull. ;)
Robinson Mapholisto: it's not working
~
Ruina Kessel: Has Robin been reading The Art of War?
Dexter Bowenford: I think she wrote it.
Robinson Mapholisto: I have been known to read some of the classics
Dexter Bowenford: oh, you mean like the Penthouse forums?
Winsome Minotaur: Sun Tzu wrote to Penthouse?
Robinson Mapholisto: Yes Dexter, exactly like penthouse forums
Winsome Minotaur: Next you'll tell me that Lao Tzu wrote to Playboy.
Robinson Mapholisto: hustler
Dexter Bowenford: he used the alias "9incher"
Winsome Minotaur: *Everyone knows it's only 8 1/2*
Doe Silverspar: so i guess he knew the sound of one hand clapping
~
Robinson Mapholisto: right because it's not twister without the roofies
~
anathema Xeltentat: ooo, now she's buying the drow skin i was seeing if i already had - she's got ....premonition powers, the hag!
Ruina Kessel: hag!
Ruina Kessel: drown her!
anathema Xeltentat: yesssss, find a water!
~
Ruina Kessel runs with cleavers
anathema Xeltentat: spies from corners
anathema Xeltentat: secret-like, w/ my giant helmet and blingy fish, bwaahaa
Ruina Kessel hangs squids from chandeliers
Ruina Kessel: you is invisible!
anathema Xeltentat: you have no clue where the brush of that tentacle is coming from but :o
Ruina Kessel: indivisible!
anathema Xeltentat: that you know it is a tentacle is a tell! :P
Ruina Kessel: :o
anathema Xeltentat: oh no, squids from chandeliers is the thing that makes me totally visible despite my ..DAMMIT i forgot what class that is in DnD
Ruina Kessel: home ec!
anathema Xeltentat: hissssss, never!
Ruina Kessel: um ... alchemist ec!
~
anathema Xeltentat: one more 50l friday notice and i'll tear my...
anathema Xeltentat: hell, i'm not wearing any hair : /
anathema Xeltentat: i'll put some on to tear it out!
Ruina Kessel: what about 60L Saturdays and 25L tuesdays?
Ruina Kessel: x_O
anathema Xeltentat: and manic mondays and septic sunday?
Ruina Kessel: sssssssseptic sundays :D
anathema Xeltentat: sounds like a pilgrimage i'd make Xd
Ruina Kessel: hmm, needs more chapters though
Ruina Kessel: whacked, whipped, wintered, weathered ...
Ruina Kessel: whipped is good
Ruina Kessel: whipped wednesdays?
anathema Xeltentat: whipped wednesdays it is!
Ruina Kessel: throttled thursdays?
anathema Xeltentat: flogged fridays/ flailed?
Ruina Kessel: ooo tough choice
Ruina Kessel: though I have a fondness for flogging
anathema Xeltentat: too bad there's no q day -i'd love to see a day for quartering
Ruina Kessel: I wanted a C for contusions :D
anathema Xeltentat: we should probably just make up some new days to better go w/ our plans
Ruina Kessel: contusion cthuluday
Ruina Kessel: cthulday
Ruina Kessel: quartered quantuday
anathema Xeltentat: purrrfect! shalll we just slip it in or have it overtake one of the standards?
Ruina Kessel: hmmm
Ruina Kessel: one of the S's could go I think
anathema Xeltentat: hell, i like the world better already. its not so bad if tomorrow you know is cthulhuday
Ruina Kessel: Cthulday for sunday?
anathema Xeltentat: haha, yessssss, that's perfect
Ruina Kessel: :D
Ruina Kessel: asphyxia Astarothday
Ruina Kessel: xD
anathema Xeltentat: we might need to make up months, as an expansion project, after the mortals have fallen into acceptance -hard to say

... I only quote you because I love you. <3 Ruina

Imprisoned Psyche ... no.4

2009-07-13T00:10:00.000-07:00

She is a beautiful creature, this one that wants to escape. She has skin that has known the kiss of the sun and the blade - olive colored, freckled, and scarred. Long, deep red hair, entangled with amulets and jewels, is pulled up and away from her face to reveal the left half of it covered in strange markings. Her mouth is wide, her lips not too small, and the lines in the corner show she smiles more than frowns. Her eyes, a truly exquisite pale yellow-green, look right through you and far away into the distance, giving her the appearance that she sees all and nothing at once, which is perhaps her intention. I expect she sees less than she thinks, but more than anyone else could ever guess. The markings on her face continue down on to her body, too (I can see a few on the top of her left foot). They are raised a bit, like scars, and colored a deep red, almost black, the color of dried blood, and as far as I can see, no two are the same. Her clothes are worn, but they look comfortable on her, and appear as much a part of her as anything she was born with.

I pause at an interesting new thought: She was born, wasn't she?

I cannot tell, truly, from her presence. She is very very old. Not as old as the building we both stand in at this moment, but she is older than she appears. And she is older than she should be, for a human. If, of course, she's human.

She is unafraid of me, which is interesting, considering I just stepped out of a wall. I have an idea that she should be shocked by this, and she is not. What does that mean?

"You are not afraid or surprised?"

She doesn't answer my question, but instead smiles. There is mischief in her eyes as she does, and amusement. I reach out to touch her face, the left where the interesting marks are, and she does not try to move out of the way.

As soon as we touch, though, everything changes. Both of us gasp as the universe shivers and reels around us. I watch her eyes grow wide and her pupils shrink to pinpricks, I watch the blood drain from her face and the breath freeze in her chest, and I feel myself mirror all her reactions involuntarily. These motions all happen in less than a second but the moment stretches out for ages around us.

She seems to grow faint and stumbles away, and the universe jolts painfully back into its proper place as soon as the contact between my fingers and her cheek is lost. For a long moment I don't know what to do, and so I don't move, my hand still raised, my fingers still touching the space where her face was a moment ago, my fingers still burning from a meeting that perhaps should not have been. It's her voice, rich and warm and a bit smoky, that breaks me out of my reverie.

"What the fuck are you?"

Suddenly shy and afraid, emotions that I've never felt before now, I duck my head to avoid her shocked gaze and dive back into the wall through which I had come.

Ok, maybe I'll save her for last instead.

Imprisoned Psyche ... no.3

2009-07-12T23:30:00.000-07:00

Wishbone hummed tunelessly to herself, drawing invisible symbols on the floor with her fingertip as she stared off into space, rocking slowly back and forth. If anyone were to observe her, they might come to the logical conclusion that she was least a little bit crazy. And, technically, they'd be right.

"... the door, the door, oh where is the door ..." She'd started to sing along to her hummed tune, her eyes roving over the wall opposite the actual door to the room. She sprang to her feet very suddenly and started running her fingers along the wall as if looking for cracks or imperfections, her movements having a sort of feverish skittishness to them. She was disappointed yet again to find no glimmer where she expected one.

The grey stone of the wall did begin to shimmer slightly, though, and she smiled to herself, thinking she'd somehow found what she was looking for. Instead, a face extruded from the flat surface, and then a body, stepping into the room effortlessly. It was the same grey as the stone, faintly female in shape, hairless and naked. It opened it's eyes to reveal two utterly black bottomless pits that affixed an imposing gaze on Wishbone. It opened its mouth and the voice that issued forth from that grey mouth was toneless and yet sang, was a whisper and yet drowned out every other noise.

"There is no door."

Imprisoned Psyche ... no.2

2009-07-12T23:19:00.000-07:00

The structure is old, impossibly old, so old that it has forgotten its own birth in a time before all times. It is crumbling on the edges, and yet has a strength to it, an impenetrable-ness that is unquestionable. To any one of its "guests", there is no question of whether you can escape or not - you cannot.

Well, to all its guests, but one. But we'll get to her later.

Even I cannot escape, even though I am not bound like the others. I'm not enclosed within the walls of this ruin, and I am not encumbered by laws like physics. I can pass through matter without a second thought, and I can fly through the air unchained by gravity. And yet ... I cannot escape.

Why? Because there is nowhere else to go.

... unless the one that tries to escape knows different ...

Imprisoned Psyche ... no.1

2009-01-29T20:12:00.000-08:00

I coalesce.

I am one of many. But I am the keeper. I am only a piece of a whole, a new piece, fashioned for just one purpose. To find out all the other pieces.

I do not yet have a name.
I do not yet have a face.

Welcome the Lonely

2007-12-29T23:23:00.000-08:00

I am a decomposing castle
my thoughts all have echoes

and the quality
of loneliness
permeates me

I am the rain,
the grey January sky
falling

I am the smell of watered concrete
and wet evergreens

I am the lonely sound
of a car through a puddle

original date unknown (sometime before 1999)
revised 12.29.2007

The New Regime

2007-12-29T23:19:00.000-08:00

Here comes the Truth
With a fireball
(automatic load, rapid fire)
and there goes the pile of victims
smoking from the quick draw of Heaven

But Lord!
I wanted you to understand -
we don't give you enough credit
You usurped the throne of a Queen
and she lies dying.

date unknown

When A Woman Has Cats

2007-12-29T23:12:00.000-08:00

When a woman has cats
she calls them by name
Once a woman's had cats
she's never the same

She walks with a slide
with stealth, with grace
She watches your eyes
and the lines of your face

She sees through your lies
and she starts to pace
no emotion you'll find
just a thin smoky haze

Mystery is hers
she lives in the dark
she's learned how to purr
and forgotten how to bark

She's got your number,
she won't miss her mark
You don't want to meet her
late at night in the park

date unknown
slightly revised 12.19.2007

Mask

2007-12-29T23:09:00.000-08:00

A face painted white
eyes painted black
lips as red as blood
Snow White
dressed for the Hunt
I ride out into the hostile day

Chased by demons,
my own children,
dancing with ghosts
treading tracks over ice
tread too often

My escape is cracking
my mask clutched tight in need
I'm running away
running away from reality

I'm hurting far too much
my eyes are shut too tight
my mask, my mask is cracking
the pain is bleeding through

date unknown

Daydream Girl

2007-12-29T23:05:00.000-08:00

Hey daydream girl
riding unicorns under a dragon sun
Hey hey daydream girl
When are you coming back?
Once you were me or I was you
but I don't know anymore
you're just not here.

Hey daydream girl
having tea with fairies
in a toadstool house
I know you can't live without play
but I can't live without you
I hate to say it
but I think I'm dying
down here
on the ground
while you sail away on the clouds

Oh daydream girl
a body can't live without its soul
or had you forgotten?

date unknown

The Bittersweet

2007-12-20T17:34:00.000-08:00

At the moment,
this moment at 2 a.m.
awake in the darkness

my heart gives way to stillness
unfettered by its legacy of pain
falling pieces of mirror
are the memory of us
distilled

into images of your hands
big palms with thick fingers
encircling a coffee cup,
holding a cigarette,
marking a place in a book

and
more distant
wrapped around my hand
talking under trees
beside the pool
brief, bright, final
moments in a direction we didn’t take

How far from there I have come

But right now
without torment
I can see inside the scars and stains
left from a thousand shattered hearts
and I still love you.

There is a kind of peace in knowing truth.

to B.M.
4.21.2000

Author Commentary: Bryan was my first real best friend and also the first person I ever fell in love with. We "got together" and "broke up" a few times (these things have never been so clearly defined for me as they are for other people I know). Which, naturally, resulted in me feeling a lot of pain and anger towards him.

I am still friends with him today, though, and I still love him very much, though it took me a long time to realize that.

Mantra

2007-12-20T17:33:00.000-08:00

I shave my head because
unlike Samson
I do not need my hair for power
the force of my will is enough

I undress
from limitation like clothing
revealing
there is more here than you think

I know the woman
in the mirror with challenge in her eye
and mystery on her lips
singing the song of passion

naked
I am strength
the mountain rising unrestrained
to touch Heaven

2002

Author Commentary: Shaving my head was, in fact, a spiritual experience. I knew that I hid behind a facade too much, and my hair was a very strong symbol of that facade. I wanted to be more honest with myself, about myself, so I decided to shave it all off as a potent symbol. And it felt good. Good enough that I did it again a few years later. And I think, when I get really old, I'll do it then too.

The World is an Ugly Place

2007-12-20T16:48:00.000-08:00

It would be so much easier to be blind
and deaf

than it is
to wade through this cesspool of filth
another fucking rap song
another fucking beer ad
another fucking television show
and all we are are just cunts on legs.

I've been drowning in the sewege of society
for so long
I forget how bad it stinks
I might
even
begin
to think
it's normal.

Until I am thirsty
and I try to drink
but all that hits my throat
is the endless shit
and semen
that they thought I would swallow.
Instead
I gag
and I spit
and I daydream
of ripping out eyes
flaying skin
dismemberment
bloodbath

he said
"I'm surprised women aren't out sniping people"

Yes.
Why aren't we?

3.18.2007

Author Commentary: The day I wrote this was a weird day. I went to see the movie 300, and fell in love with the idea of Sparta ... and then listened to some rap that was just .... completely demeaning. And for some reason at that moment I just didn't have any defences and it made me angry. And sad. And so very disappointed in this world I live in. And ... that's what I tried to express here.

Overcome

2007-12-20T16:30:00.001-08:00

Gasp
soft as the curtain's billow
touching a cooler fire
your hands entwine my hair
you whisper a name,
mine,
and conduct electricity
through your grasp

Rising
I remember the power of overcoming you
but my dam has broken
and an ocean gushes through
and I wonder
who was the one overcome?

to J.L.
winter 1996

My Lady

2007-12-20T16:30:00.000-08:00

My lady, when she comes
she is the dawn
radiant in her glorious calm

My lady, when she smiles
is the light incarnate
Shining into the darkest corner of my soul

How can I but love her?
I cannot resist
her face
her eyes
her mind

Caresses in my dreams
walk behind my eyes
as I watch her
dancing in a life
growing into her skin
my heart aches to embrace her

to H.H.
date unknown

Momentary Lapse

2007-12-20T16:29:00.000-08:00

in the slow motion
moment of a blink
when evening fell through my window
the brushing of another universe
caught my falling eyelid
in the space between seconds
the silence between numbers
the idea of existing elsewhere
infinite
the child of this pregnant air
seemed
truth

Phantom

2007-12-20T16:28:00.000-08:00

What do I do
with your phantom floating here
in him
his shoe perennially untied
his guitar hands
the shining innocence in his eyes
I weep behind the mask of my face
in his presence
remember the necessary loss of you
deserting yourself
to survive the dark beast riding you
sadness permeates my sight of him
without the distinction between you both
the edges blur
there is no reason
just lingering sorrow
and a lack of courage to look into his eyes

to B.H.
1996

Daughter of Oppression

2007-12-20T16:27:00.000-08:00

I am the daughter of oppression
and we are on a runaway train
suffocated by the crushing crowd
tossed between the vicious winds
that call themselves change

I am the daughter of oppression
like any child rebelling
defiant in the face of my fear
fighting my spiritual genetics
only to find that I am like them all

I am the daughter of oppression
and I am digging with my bare hands
to find the paradise behind this torture
the past is the grit under my ragged nails
and I am only finding broken bones

I am the daughter of oppression
and the unspoken fairytales forgot to say
there isn't any Shangrila
no El Dorado, city of gold
If I want a Garden of Eden
I'll have to build it myself.

2.17.2000

My Garden of Yours

2007-12-20T16:26:00.000-08:00

Barely hearing what he said
I am thinking of you
and all the long summer nights
I spent in your arms
without you knowing

He taps my shoulder
but I don't notice
I am digging
through stone rubble and overgrowth
to find the garden of yours
I once had

The calla lilies in the corner
remind me of all the winters
I spent in your mind
were you aware?
Singing lullabies and playing Wendy
to your Lost Boy.
It was your Neverland I discovered
when I blossomed
my scarlet petals leaking soul blood
onto the pulp I tried to give you as a gift

He is knocking on my door
on my heart
but I'm not home
I'm wandering
lost
in my garden of yours.

to A.V.
9.17.1996

Why Poetry

2007-12-20T16:25:00.000-08:00

H'okay. So. I have, like, ridiculous amounts of poetry that I've written, especially during those angsy teenage years. I still write nowadays, but nowhere near as often as I did.

Anyway ...

I can't make myself throw this stuff away. It's probably all junk, but it's pieces of my life and ... well ... it seems wrong to just chuck it and forget about it. And I'm a weird person that likes to catalog things and some of my friends, the masochists that they are, actually like to READ this stuff, so it's kinda useful to have it on the web.

And yes, comments are welcome. I will probably continue to edit and revise each poem as I find better ways to phrase things, or add commentary about the poem. But the gist stays the same, so the date does too. The date has more to do with when the event or thought happened that inspired the poem than it does with my "developing skill" (haha very funny).

So. Yeah. That's my excuse. Read at your own risk.